Oh lord, you’re foaming at the mouth now. Settle down, it’s gonna be alright. Christ, I am not looking forward to being there when you find out there is a character in the new Captain America movie named Black Panther. Hmm? Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.

What’s that? Yes, I’m sure Bey saw the angry Facebook posts that you composed during the second half of the game alleging that she was empathizing with terrorists. I’m sure she read them all and thought long and hard about them.

Yes, your memes were all scathing. All of them. Really. Bey probably showed them to Jay and then the two of them probably sat somberly in their $100 million penthouse and considered the effect that her disgusting display could have on impressionable youths.

But seriously, I like this. And not just because I’m terrified of upsetting the Beyhive. Doubling down on who you are is always the move. +30 to Mrs. Carter.

But this article isn’t about that. It’s about what happened immediately before the show. According to US Weekly, in the hours before her performance, Beyonce received a delivery of ten thousand roses from her husband: a Mr. Sean Carter.

Jay. What the fuck.

You know that Valentines Day is coming up right? Every woman in America is expecting a gift from bae this coming Sunday and you have raised the bar way too goddamn high for the rest of us. You think anyone’s girl is gonna be satisfied with candy and a bouquet now? Guys all over the country are gonna be showing up with a dozen roses only to get hit with “Jay gave Bey literally 833 times this…”

So yeah, thanks for that, Hov. Now we all gotta shell out for skywriting or some shit. On V Day the sky above New York is gonna have so many chicks’ names in it that it’ll look like a baby name book. Hope you’re happy, Jay. Hope you’re happy.