Still in jail awaiting trial for numerous charges, up to and including attempted murder, Bobby has had bail denied time and time again. The newest development in this ongoing comes from Shmurda’s mother, who recently told XXL that while locked up, he has been working on a script detailing the origins of GS9, several other members of which are being held for trial as well.

Uhh, Bobby, that might now be the best idea.

Remember the last thing you wrote? That song that made you famous? Remember how, as we have previously discussed, the lyrics are like 75% incriminating evidence? Remember Mitch? Remember how he caught a body a week and almost two years ago? He’s being charged for that.

This seems like a half-assed scheme the DA might cook up in a CSI knockoff. He doesn’t have enough evidence to convict, so he has a typewriter left in Shmurda’s cell hoping that, if left alone long enough, his burning desire to write will produce some kind of court admissible evidence.

So Bobby, do you get what I’m saying? This script is probably not a great idea. At the very least you gotta throw in some leprechauns or something that you can point to like “See? This couldn’t have happened. There are leprechauns. Leprechauns aren’t real”

I want to start this article with a disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, nor do I have any legal training. Now that that’s out of the way I can say that in my professional legal opinion Ackquille Pollard aka “Chewy” aka “Bobby Shmurda” is FUCKED. Like massively fucked. I’m not proud to say it but I read the indictment cover to cover and that shit was bad. I’ll sum up my takeaways and some of my favorite parts:

• The indictment brings charges against 19 people, 15 of them are named and 4 are assumed (by me) to be snitches
• Bobby’s other nickname is “Chewy”, maybe he likes Star Wars, maybe he’s into granola, we’ll have to wait for the trial
• Every crew has a dude nicknamed D-Rose
• Every crew should have a dude named “Montana Flea”
• Bobby was regularly out selling drugs, including to undercover cops
• Bobby shot his gun into a crowd of people
• Bobby shot at other members of GS9
• GS9 member “Mitch” is being charged with murder. I wonder if Bobby’s line “Mitch caught a body bout a week ago” will come back to bite him. Nah probably not

Excerpts:

• On or about April 28, 2014, in a telephone conversation, the defendant Deshain Cockett aka “D-Boy” told the defendant DEVON RODNEY aka “Slice” that the defendant ACKQUILLE POLLARD aka “Chewy” aka “Bobby Shmurda” was armed with two firearms while on the street stating “your bob Bobby out here with 2 CDs on him like he in the wild wild west or something”
• On or about April 28, 2014 in a telephone conversation, the defendant ACKQUILLE POLLARD aka Chewy aka Bobby Shmurda told the defendant DEVON RODNEY aka “Slice” that he was armed with two firearms while he was in the street stating “I’m two socks Bobby right now”

Shit’s real fucked up. As much as I’ve loved Bobby up until this point I can’t bring myself to defend him. Firing shots into crowds and blasting up barber shots isn’t good. Not to mention the fact that he did a lot of this shit after Hot Nigga blew up. Shitty decision making all around. He almost redeems himself by calling himself  “two socks Bobby” but it’s not enough. SCR will keep covering the story as new information leaks and the trial kicks off. For now I’m giving Bobby 50 points for being authentic as fuck.

“bum ass 67 [precinct] cops tryin lock me up… But it ain’t nothing, I make about 40 bands a week ya’ll niggas can never stop me”

I’m really torn about this arrest. On one hand I have zero sympathy for a guy who double parks a car that probably costs more than my house (note: I don’t have a house) to hot box with his boys when I can’t even double park to get a fucking slice of pizza. The fact of the matter is if you’re driving what I can only assume is the hottest car in your neighborhood, you should probably circle the block a few more times.

On the other hand I really think we’re all responsible for this arrest. If you’re anything like me, Hot Nigga has a shamefully high number of itunes plays, despite having the dumbest song name since Snoop dropped Bathtub. Our obsession with Shmurda’s one song, and the 5-second aberration that is the Shmoney Dance is putting 40k a week in his pocket. What the fuck else do we expect him to do with his money, put it in a college fund? He’s going to buy dope cars, smoke weed and develop persecution complexes.

All that being said this is another minor arrest in what’s been an otherwise wildly successful year for B Shmur, and I’m awarding him a solid 50 point bump in his street credit with the hopes that his success doesn’t go to his head and he puts out another fucking song before I forget he can rap.

P.S. Some unwarranted advice for Shmurda. Never think having money will get the NYPD off your back. Ask Alec Baldwin how that works out.