We reported yesterday that Wu Tang Clan’s one of a kind album Once Upon A Time In Shaolin had been sold for millions of dollars to hedge fund asshole Martin Shrelki.

This was probably disappointing for fans of The Wu, since Shrelki can’t sell people copies of the album for 88 years, and the guy who jacked up the price of life saving AIDS drugs to unaffordable levels probably isn’t going to give it away for free. But there is hope. Because the same legal document that prevents the buyer from selling the album reportedly also contains this clause:

Okay, let me just put on my lawyer-glasses here… There we go… Mmhmm… Yes…

Shouts to the groups attorney, who is presumably named “The LWYR,” I can safely say that this clause is the best thing Wu Tang have written since 36 Chambers. These guys have always been all about Kung Fu movies, and now they get the ultimate opportunity: to live a movie.

And this is a real world movie. Consider all the elements that we have present: a notoriously evil villain, a priceless artifact, a ragtag band teaming up for a heist, Bill Murray.

Let’s all put on our lawyer-glasses and look into this a little further to better understand the possibilities.

-You know someone didn’t read a contract carefully enough before signing it when it includes a legally binding agreement acknowledging that a bunch of guys from the projects are gonna try and break into your house.

-“Currently active members of the Wu Tang Clan” Don’t be surprise if the Wu drops a single in the near future that includes mumbled verses from never before seen members Ol’ Dirty Safecracker and Inspectah Demolitions Expert

-“…and/or Bill Murray” I understand the desire to get Bill Murray to be a part of this. Hell, I want Bill to be involved in most parts of my life. The language here opens up a whole new problem for The Boys From Shaolin: “and/or” implies that Bill could potentially attempt his own heist. Now you’re not just going up against an evil multimillionaire, but a competing heist as well? I don’t like those odds. Imagine if Oceans 11 had ended with Clooney and Don Cheadle looking on helplessly as Bill Murray escaped with the money on a speedboat. Heartbreaking. Amazing, but heartbreaking.

So there’s a lot of potential here. Heroes, villains, double crosses, triple crosses, Method Man taking out security guards with the fabled One Inch Punch. Sign me up. A documentary showing the planning and execution of the heist would be worth more than the actual album. Big credit boosts if they pull this off, and if he is involved, Bill Murray will definitely be getting his own page in the artist section.

I am all for this. After My Name Is My Name, probably the best album of 2013, I fully trust Push with the future of the label. What’s more, he got through the whole Billboard interview without focusing on the fact that he used to sell dope. That’s more than you can say about 99% of his verses.

This is a big step forward for Pusha T and I’m giving him a +20 on the condition that this doesn’t delay his upcoming sophomore album King Push. Also, here’s hoping that this frees up some time for Kanye to finish his SWISH album within the decade.

On the first day of the trial Jay was asked by the judge what he does for a living, presumably because the judge has been in a coma since 1992.

“I make music, I’m a rapper, I’ve got a clothing line, I run a label, a media label called Roc Nation, with a sports agency, music publishing and management. Restaurants and nightclubs… I think that about covers it.”

Until his attorney quickly reminded him that he also owns a streaming service.

First things first: Jay, your attorney just called you out in front of the courtroom. He seems like the kind of guy that run up on you while you’re talking to girls at at a club and loudly ask why your wife isn’t here tonight. if you want some more tactful representation, give me a call and I’ll set you up with my people. They ain’t passed the bar but they know a lil bit.

Now that that’s out of the way: this is embarrassing for Jay. I’d say it’s a lot like when you’re introducing your kids to people and you just can’t remember the name of the little weird one who insists on wearing gloves even in the summer. Keith, or Kyle maybe. Doesn’t matter, because you just pretend that you don’t notice him there and move on.

That metaphor might be a stretch but it’s safe to say that, despite the $56 million he spent on it, Tidal is not Jay’s highest priority. And after all the initial boasting, talking it up, and twitter ranting, I’m not super impressed by that.

I wanted to give Jay a -10 for this, but I like that when asked to give his profession the first thing Jay says is that he is a rapper. I think that’s worth something, so let’s only make this a -5

Oh. Right.

The point I’m trying to make is that these two are on top of the rap game right now and this record is kind of a big deal, comparable to Ye and Hov’s Watch The Throne back in 2011. These two seem unstoppable right now. Drake got into a beef over alleged ghost writing, and came out on top after releasing one of the most quotable diss tracks in history. And Future, yeah maybe Russell Wilson is trying to be your baby’s daddy, but this year you had a #1 album and Russell did this.

Right now the album is projecting almost half a million first week sales, even though that week will only be five days long. If you’re claiming to run the game and then prove it, I’d say that’s worth a 10 point bump.

Check out What A Time To Be Alive on iTunes.

Hov made his opinion of the service pretty clear on Magna Carta… Holy Grail with the line “fuck hashtags and retweets,” although this was already evident from the fact that six months regularly pass between @S_C_ tweets, when the rest of us can’t seem to get through breakfast without rifling off 140 characters.

So whenever we do get a peep out of Mr. Carter you know he has something that he really, really wants to say. That was the case this weekend when the normally quiet account erupted in a flurry of activity to defend the floundering Tidal.

It’s no secret that the streaming service Jay purchased earlier this year has been struggling. To me it seemed like a rushed decision inspired by other artists who recently made a shit-load of cash off of a tech company. It quickly fell out of the iPhone’s top 700 downloads chart while at the same time, Tidal’s attack campaigns on competitors Spotify and Pandora actually helped pushed those two into the top 10.

If you want to read through the entire rant you can do so here, but the general premise is basically “Guys, stop making fun of Tidal! It’s doing fine. Really. Guys, stop!”

I like to picture this began with Jay reading the Youtube comments section (always a bad idea) of the Tidal commercial video before going “Damnit, that’s it! Bey, what’s my twitter password??” followed by a 30-minute search for the post it note that he wrote it down on when he last tweeted, in 2014.

Now, I get where Jay is coming from. He has to defend his investment. My problem with this whole thing is that it just feels a little desperate. And he made matters worse today when he announced that part of the “exclusive content” that Tidal has been dangling in front of potential subscribers would be an exclusive concert of “Jay Z B-Sides”

Yup, Jay basically just said “Hey everyone, you know all those number one hit songs that have defined me as one of the most successful artists of all time? How would you feel about a concert where I specifically don’t play those!! Anyways, subscriptions start at $9.99, but for $19.99 you get…”

This whole thing is just giving more credence to what people have suspected for a while: that his wealth and success have caused the rapper who once lost 92 bricks to lose touch with his roots. Hopefully he can crawl back from this too, but for now I’m giving Mr. Carter a 15 point deduction.

After publicly denouncing Hood By Air and Been Trill, that pretty motherfucker looks like he’s now promoting for Salvatore Ferragamo. This is definitely a step up as far as high fashion is concerned but it may be a step back for his street credit. I may be in the minority here but I really don’t give a fuck about Rocky’s fashion endeavors anymore. I have a great idea that I think I’m going to pitch his manager, tell him to throw on a pair of jeans and a t shirt and get to the fucking studio. That’s it, it’s not hard. Shit he probably has a studio in his house for fucks sake.

You could make a good argument that Rocky is the reason that any of the A$AP mob is famous. He was the first one to really come up and he put out a lot of good music early in his career. Since then, Ferg is the only A$AP dude that I regularly follow. Ferg still puts out FIRE. The thing Rocky needs to realize is that he’s a rapper, not a fashion designer. I’m sure he has a keen eye for colors and a few really good stylists but if he falls out of the rap game no one is going to give a fuck who he’s wearing.

I’m dropping him 15 in SC because I think he needs to get his priorities straight and stop thinking we give a fuck about what he’s wearing.

This is fucking baffling to me. It’s like Usher saw the deal that Hov set up with Samsung for Magna Carta and said “Let’s do that, but worse and more breakfast-oriented!” and at the same time the board of General Mills was sitting around saying things like “What we need is for our cereal to be associated with the raw sexual energy that we got from hits like ‘Yeah!’ I want every strip club in North America serving Honey Nut Cheerios by this time next year!”

Actually, I’m pretty okay with that last part.

But it goes downhill from here. Usher stars in a commercial to go along with the promotion. Well actually he co-stars in it with a cartoon. Just cause Mike did it once doesn’t mean this is a good look, people.

You could cut the sexual tension in this image with a knife

Now, when I was a kid I remember the prizes in cereal boxes being things like cheap plastic spoons that you would ignore until your uncle’s dog ate them. I’m pretty sure this actually happened with every single cereal box prize I ever got.

Fuck you too, Rusty

But my point is that Mr. Raymond is valuing his music, and his image, at level of the plastic spoons that inevitably ended up as dog shit. I don’t know what they paid you, Ush, but it wasn’t enough. -75 points.