50 Cent’s financial woes have been well documented at this point. Since the story broke things have seemed to get worse and worse, until today it was announced that Fifty intends to sublet his Connecticut Mansion. Woah.
Can this be true? This mansion? The mansion once owned by Mike Tyson? The 21 bedroom mansion that was once documented on MTV’s Cribs?
Sign. Me Up.
Well, hold on. Not the whole mansion. I don’t need 21 bedrooms. What the fuck am I supposed to do with 21 bedrooms? No, just give me one bedroom. There are 25 bathrooms too, I’ll just use one of those. Unless it’s an emergency. We can work out the specifics later, but first let’s get to the big question, the elephant in the room:
Will 50 Cent still be living in the house? Because frankly that could be kind of awkward.
Like if I’m eating a bowl of cheerios in on the of the nine kitchens and Fifty walks in and I’m like “Hey, Fifty! It’s me, the guy who you were forced to welcome into your home because of your deteriorating financial situation! Do you have any skim milk? Cause all I’m seeing is some kind of almond shit”
Or what if Fifty walks into the living room while I’m playing 2k16 and is like “Doc, did you clog the toilet?” and I’m like “Which toilet? There are, again, literally 25” and he goes “Toilet 3C, 5E, 2A, or 1F?” and I’m “No, yes, yes, and no” and then I go back to playing 2k16.
But on the other hand, what if me and 50 Cent become BFFs? We’d just go around playing XBox, drinking vitamin water, and crank calling Lloyd Banks. He could teach me about money, where it comes from, and how you get it. I could be the voice of reason when he tries to do something stupid like, posting someone else’s sex tape online without their permission. Man, it’d be great.
Anyways, I hate to do this, but I’m giving my future BFF a -10 for this whole thing. On a more important note, if any of my readers were interested in setting up a Kickstarter to fund my Connecticut Mansion Adventure, I would be willing to split the reality show rights to Doc & Fifty: Best Friends Forever. So, ya know. Get at me about that.