UPDATE: It turns out this was a hoax. Heres how we’re dealing with it
We reported yesterday that Wu Tang Clan’s one of a kind album Once Upon A Time In Shaolin had been sold for millions of dollars to hedge fund asshole Martin Shrelki.
This was probably disappointing for fans of The Wu, since Shrelki can’t sell people copies of the album for 88 years, and the guy who jacked up the price of life saving AIDS drugs to unaffordable levels probably isn’t going to give it away for free. But there is hope. Because the same legal document that prevents the buyer from selling the album reportedly also contains this clause:
Okay, let me just put on my lawyer-glasses here… There we go… Mmhmm… Yes…
Shouts to the groups attorney, who is presumably named “The LWYR,” I can safely say that this clause is the best thing Wu Tang have written since 36 Chambers. These guys have always been all about Kung Fu movies, and now they get the ultimate opportunity: to live a movie.
And this is a real world movie. Consider all the elements that we have present: a notoriously evil villain, a priceless artifact, a ragtag band teaming up for a heist, Bill Murray.
Let’s all put on our lawyer-glasses and look into this a little further to better understand the possibilities.
-You know someone didn’t read a contract carefully enough before signing it when it includes a legally binding agreement acknowledging that a bunch of guys from the projects are gonna try and break into your house.
-“Currently active members of the Wu Tang Clan” Don’t be surprise if the Wu drops a single in the near future that includes mumbled verses from never before seen members Ol’ Dirty Safecracker and Inspectah Demolitions Expert
-“…and/or Bill Murray” I understand the desire to get Bill Murray to be a part of this. Hell, I want Bill to be involved in most parts of my life. The language here opens up a whole new problem for The Boys From Shaolin: “and/or” implies that Bill could potentially attempt his own heist. Now you’re not just going up against an evil multimillionaire, but a competing heist as well? I don’t like those odds. Imagine if Oceans 11 had ended with Clooney and Don Cheadle looking on helplessly as Bill Murray escaped with the money on a speedboat. Heartbreaking. Amazing, but heartbreaking.
So there’s a lot of potential here. Heroes, villains, double crosses, triple crosses, Method Man taking out security guards with the fabled One Inch Punch. Sign me up. A documentary showing the planning and execution of the heist would be worth more than the actual album. Big credit boosts if they pull this off, and if he is involved, Bill Murray will definitely be getting his own page in the artist section.