Tonight though, a rap album might actually take home Album of The Year. Kendrick Lamar’s unapologetically black To Pimp A Butterfly none the less. Some would say this is a big deal, since The National Academy Of Recording Arts And Sciences has a history of snubbing rap albums. Currently only Outkast’s Speakerbox/The Love Below and Lauryn’s Miseducation have taken home the grand prize. The only way they could be more disdainful would be if they held the Best Rap Album ceremony at the Red Lobster down the block from the theater.

But I digress. In honor of this we decided to take a look at the rap album category and break down the nominees lyrically. In this category we have:

• Kendrick – To Pimp A Butterfly
• Nicki Minaj – The Pinkprint
• J. Cole – 2014 Forest Hills Drive
• Dr. Dre – Compton
• Drake – If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late

While going through this breakdown we will be looking only at verse (no hooks), and omitting featured artists. Without further ado, here are our findings:

• Most Used Words – For this we’ve removed the obvious recurring words (“the,” “a,” “him/her,” “nigga,” etc) to get a better picture of what’s going on in these lyrics. Drake and Kendrick shared the same word, “Know,” with 64 and 71 uses respectively. Cole, dropped “Love” 49 times and Nicki used the related pair of “say” and “tell” 15 and 16 times. For Dre the most used word, with a count of 48, was “fuck.” Don’t ever change, Dre.
• Cursing – While Kendrick, Dre, Drake, and Cole averaged 46 uses of “fuck” and 33 uses of “shit,” Nicki only came in with 16  and 5 of the two curses respectively. This can probably be attributed to her history of radio friendly singles. Basically, everyone else said “fuck” more because they gave less fucks.
• Bitch Vs. Woman – The use of “bitch” in hip hop has been debated so long that most people have tuned it out by this point. We’re going to leave that argument up to Kanye and Taylor Swift’s brother and just bring you the facts. J. Cole’s Bitch-To-Woman ratio (BWR), which figures in the word “girl” as well, was 3.00. That means 3 uses of bitch to every use of woman. Nicki and Dre were in a similar state with BWRs of 3.25 and 3.33. Kendrick came in lower at 1.57, but it was Drake the stood out in this metric, with a remarkably low 0.13.
• Stated Blackness – Across Cole, Drake, Nicki, and Dre’s albums, use of the word “black” averaged only 4 instances per album. With 16 uses on TPAB, Kendrick’s total was 4.5 times that. Makes sense for an album about the modern black experience in America.
• What Happened To Gangsta Rap? – Of the five albums nominated, Kendrick’s was the only one on which any variation of the word “gang” appeared more than once, and there it only was used 5 times. References to guns were also low, averaging 3.4 uses per album. While there definitely has been a decline in gangsta rap in the post-Kanye era, we’d largely chalk this stat up to The Academy not being comfortable nominating a Vince Staples album.
• A Sad Year For Ass – The word ass only averaged 2.6 appearances across these albums. “Shameful… Just shameful…” mutters Sir Mix-A-Lot from somewhere in the distance.
• Total Vocab – When tallying up the total number of different word across each album we were unsurprised to find that Kendrick, with his ambitious content and complex rhyming, came in on top with nearly 1,983 different words. Cole came in a distant 2nd with 1,289 and Drake was hot on his heels at exactly 1,200. Nicki was a good deal below this at 836. Dre, with his simpler style more focused on intensity than lyricism, rounded out the bottom at 698.

Got questions or other lyrics you’d like to see analyzed? Give us a shout in the comments.

Taylor’s brother Austin reacted via Instagram by posting a video of himself whistling as he throws out a pair of Yeezys. This post drew praise from several celebs was widely shared in support of T-Swizz.

Getting a head start on some spring cleaning. Here we go again.

A video posted by Austin Swift (@austinkingsleyswift) on Feb 11, 2016 at 4:17pm PST

Now, this is the first I’ve ever heard of Austin Swift, so I don’t really know anything about the guy, but I hope he likes sneakerheads digging through his trash. Cause he’s gonna get that for about a week.

The overall debate I’ll stay out of. What matters here is that Austin feels like Ye disrespected his sister. But dude, you bought the shoes. The money is already in Kanye’s pocket. You’re just throwing out your own sneakers at this point.

And for what those cost, I think you’re crazy. If Taylor is actually offended then yeah, maybe don’t wear them to family gatherings, but those is expensive. This is some rich people shit

But I don’t know, nice gesture I guess? You do you. I’m just saying that if MJ talked shit about my sister, she’d just have to deal with it cause I can’t afford to trash a pair of Jordans.

Then again, now you’ve got room on your shelf for the new Yeezys… Just sayin…

UPDATE: The melody that Austin is whistling in the video sounds suspiciously like this WWII British song about how Hitler only had one testicle.

C.R.E.A.M. Get the money.

Now, the Powerball is a pretty straightforward lottery. Pick five numbers between 1 and 69 and then one “Powerball” number between 1 and 26. Get some of it right and win a little bit of money. Get all of it right and win all the money. I usually don’t buy tickets, but it seems like everyone and their mother is buying tickets for this drawing. Me. My dude KP. KP’s mother. The list goes on.

So why the sudden hype? Because the jackpot this time is 1.5 billion dollars. Never mind that the Powerball rules were recently changed to drop the odds of winning to 1 in 292 million and raise the jackpot, solely for the purpose of building hype. I could walk away from this with more money than when Dre sold Beats!

But how can I be sure to win? Those odds are preeeetty tall. All the numbers and probabilities were racing through my head than then it hit me. I couldn’t do the math required to win. But I know somebody who can!

Enter Mos Def, now known as Yasiin Bey. To you his 1999 song “Mathematics” might seem like your standard politically-charged Mos Def track but that is why I am going to be a billionaire, and you are not. I don’t have time to explain Numerology and True Math, but suffice to say Mos has left a series of clues to a colossal fortune.

Like if National Treasure was produced by DJ Premier.

Let’s take a look at the lyrics. Specifically these bars:

Like I got, sixteen to thirty-two bars to rock it
but only 15% of profits, ever see my pockets like
sixty-nine billion in the last twenty years
spent on national defense but folks still live in fear

16, 32, 15, 69, 20

But we need a sixth for the Powerball number.

Nearly half of America’s largest cities is one-quarter black
That’s why they gave Ricky Ross all the crack

No, that doesn’t work. We need a whole number, not a fraction. We could say 50, but the highest number you can choose for a Powerball is 26 an- Wait…

Most Def was born in 1973. This song was released in 1999. When this song came out he would be twenty six years old! THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE POWERBALL NUMBER!!!

THAT’S IT I’VE CRACKED IT. PEACE, BROOKLYN. I LIVE IN CONNECTICUT NOW!. What did Khaled say I should do? Oh yeah, he said I should BUY MY MOMMA A HOUSE. I SHOULD BUY MY WHOLE FAMILY HOUSES. HEY 50, I’LL BUY YOUR HOUSE! LATER, SHITTY WRITING JOB! AHAHAHAH-

oh… hmmm….

Well, it seems that Powerball doesn’t let you choose the order of your numbers. That kinda fucks everything up. And it mangles my back up of 17, 38, 1, 7, 3, 8.

So um… Yeah…

My next article will be up sometime this week… I guess…

“Halle’s having a lot of fun with Chris,” a source told OK magazine. “She has a weakness for bad boys who are a little rough around the edges. He brings out her youthful side.”

Ummm. Lets start at the beginning for those of you who may not know who Chris Webby is. The first time I heard of him was as “that white rapper that robbed his R.A. with a BB gun and got kicked out of school”, soon to become “that white rapper that I forgot existed”. He would go on to drop Best In The Burbs and a bunch of other mixtapes I don’t care enough to look up. Fast forward to 2016 and one of the first news stories I hear this year is that he’s dating Halle fucking Berry. Lets let that resonate for a second. Halle Berry, winner of the 2002 Academy Award for Best Actress, former bond girl, and hall of fame smokeshow is now dating the dude that recorded R.A.D. (Roll A Doobie). I’m gonna let Webby cook though, he’s batting way out of his league but if he can pull it off more power to him. Kevin Garnett said it best; “ANYTHING IS POSSIBLEEEE”

P.S. Never Forget

[See image gallery at www.streetcreditreport.com]

We were elated when it surfaced that there might be a clause in the sales contract that would allow Wu Tang to steal it back in a Oceans 11 style heist with Bill Murray.

We had some fun theorizing about how this could be done.

We were again disappointed when this turned out to be a hoax.

And then we doubled down and started a fund to bail them out of jail if this were to happen.

That’s the story so far. To donate to the SCR Wu Tang bail fund, go here

The Mark: Martin Shkreli. Everybody knows this guy as “That dude that fucked with the AIDs drug that made everyone mad”. That’s as far as I’m going to go because he looks like the kinda dude that would sue us. The only other thing I’ll say is I genuinely can’t look at pictures of him without laughing.

If you google “mousey finance guy that pays prostitutes to go to Galas with him but doesn’t have sex with them” his face probably comes up.

Ok maybe not.

The Prize: Once Upon a Time in Shaolin by the Wu Tang Clan. The most exclusive album ever created. It cost Shkreli $2 million to purchase and theres a good chance more people have heard Doc’s mixtape full of 70’s porn instrumentals than have heard this album. The album is stored in an engraved silver box that looks to be about 12″ x 12″ x 6″ (this will be important later)

Location: The album was originally held in a vault under the Royal Mansour Hotel in Marrakech, Morocco. It would be much easier if the album were still stored here as we’ve all seen Ocean’s 11 and Morocco is such an elaborate heist country it’s unbelievable. Seriously, it’s a country full of Aston Martins, rich businessmen getting comped at casinos, and elaborate heists. Unfortunately the album has been relocated stateside, with a temporary stop at customs at JFK on March 3rd 2015. We know Shkreli is a life time New Yorker and his office appears to be 6th avenue near 46th street (great, a heist in the middle of fucking Times Square, should be a piece of cake). I’m not going to post his actual address but it was released by hackers and it’s an easy google search away (PS. it’s on 40th street). We’re relatively certain the album will be at one of these two locations.

Ok so we know what’s being stolen (not that I would ever endorse anyone breaking the law), who has it, and where it’s most likely located. Now lets get into the nuts and bolts of the heist:

*I recommend you put on some music to pump you up*

Ok now that you’re starting to feel yourself lets move on.

This is where you’re probably starting to say “Hey KP, you’re not a fucking criminal and this is already 500 words, what are you doing”. Well you can stop reading now because your heart clearly isn’t in this and you’re probably going to back out at the last second and fuck up the whole plan.

Ok so we’re in midtown Manhattan, that means we’re either approaching via car or helecopter. Since the FAA has to approve all non-registered sightseeing company flight plans over that area we’re going with the car. There are 2 ways we could get past his doorman and into his building: firstly we could connect with someone else that lives in his building that is against his drug price hiking policies (shouldn’t be hard) and have them tell the doorman they’re expecting a service visit. Appliance repairman is probably the way to go here becuase it will require the least amount of equipment needed to maintain our cover. From here we either hop in an uber XL (if you have a corrupt uber driver connect now’s the chance to use it) and get dropped off a block away or get in a regular yellow cab and use cash. We walk into the building, get past the doorman using our appliance repair cover and slip into the elevator. The second option is we dress as EMTs and be in a super rush and just run past the doorman into the elevator. We’re going to stick with the first since I don’t know where you buy an ambulance.

We’re in the elevator. Depending on if the elevator shows its floor on the lobby we either get off at our cover floor and go down the emergency stairs to his floor or we just get off where ever we want. From here it’s easy, we have our lock guy pick his front door and we move into his apartment undetected. After that we search his place for the album (since it’s package is a piece of art it will likely be in a glass box near the sound system), secure it’s contents and get ready to move out.

Exit Strategy: our team of 4 will split. 2 people will take off their jump suits to reveal casual clothes, they’ll secure the album in a messenger bag head down the elevator and walk out the front door without the doorman batting an eye. the second team will remain in the apartment, remove the door from the refrigerator (to add insult to injury) and walk out the lobby carrying the door. They’ll make a clever quip to the doorman “Who would have guessed you could break a refrigerator door, assholes” and leave him with the impression you’re returning soon with a new one. They ditch the door and rendezvous with team 1 who is a block away with the wheelman. after that we head down the west side, through the tunnel into NJ and meet up with the Wu in the sticks of PA (long past the point of street cameras). Bing Bang Boom, we just stole a fucking album.

This is the Abbreviated version of the plan. Necessary equipment, personnel recomendations, total cost, and further details can be obtained from SCR Heists & Capers LLC (not necessarily an affiliate of Street Credit Report.com)

As a final note: We do not endorse theft, we are not liable for anyone attempting to follow this plan without our written approval, we are not encouraging anyone to perpetrate theft or burglary, if it works make sure you tag us on Instagram.

Now other blogs have apologized for this mistake but that is because other blogs are pussies. We here at SCR, on the other hand, are not going to apologize. We are going to double down. We still want this heist to happen and we’re going to do our best to facilitate it. Of course we would never encourage someone, especially the Wu Tang Clan, to break the law… BUT, if The Wu Tang Clan were to attempt such a heist, and if they were to be caught in the attempt, someone would have to pay their bail.

I think that we, the fans, are obligated take up that cause. According to Wikipedia there are currently nine members of the Wu Tang Clan, adding Bill Murray makes ten. Bail for the crime of burglary is about $30k. $300K total. Again, we are NOT encouraging the Wu Tang Clan to commit any crimes BUT if they were to attempt the heist of this album for the sake of their fans, then their fans should come to their aid. That being said, I am happy to announce the Get Wu Tang Out Of Jail If They Attempt A Heist fund.

The premise is simple: if The Wu and/or Bill Murray attempts the heist previously discussed, we will pay their bail with this fund. In the event that we raise the money, but the heist is not attempted then the money raised will be donated to (Red), in order to spite the AIDS-drug-price-gouging fuccboi from whom the album could (hypothetically) be stolen.

One last time: we are NOT encouraging the Wu Tang to commit a crime. And we will not pay anyone else’s bail if they give this a shot. But the fund has been set up. I’m not sure whose court the ball is in right now, but it definitely isn’t in ours.

When it came out that they intended to sell that copy for millions I laughed.

When someone actually bought the album I spit out my drink all over the bartender, who was pretty pissed until I explained to him that someone had just paid millions of dollars for an album. In 2015.

But finally our mysterious buyer has been  revealed! Who is it? Who would pa- Oh Christ, it’s this dickbag again.

Hi guys. Miss me?

That’s hedge fund manager Martin Shkreli. You may remember him from a couple months ago when he obtained ownership of the AIDs drug Daraprim and raised the price from $13.50 a pill, to $750 a pill. And now he can add “Owner Of Once Upon A Time In Shaolin“ to his resume, right next to “Certified Asswipe”

I gotta give some credit to Wu Tang here though. Jacking up the price of a common item and selling it to this dude to make a huge profit? The Wu is beating Martin at his own game.